Tri-Cat--Athalon

Oh Hi there! Boy, it most certainly has been a while hasn't it. I hope you didn't miss me too much!! Ya see, I was out in the wilds of Illinois training for this summers 3rd annual Tricatathalon, at the Purr's in the Park. A whole Weekend of cat-tastic Adventures... and sweet treats!! By the way, did you know cats just love sugar coated fish bits? And you know what...? I do too! Oh, Yummers! Anyways, The Tricatathalon will take place on July 19th Satur (and or) Fun-day, but I decided to start training 2 months early. Last year Edward Dillard, also a cat fancier and a good friend of mine, that is when we're not both under the heat of cat competition, out bested me and my 3 best! But this year with extensive training Me, Chaps (named because of his fur on his legs legs), Vinegar! ( I named him that because he Has a lot of vinegar in him, if ya know what I mean!) and Clark (named after my neighbors great uncle) We will beat Edward and take home the Purr-fect Trophy, where I will proudly display it on the peak of my Garage! The event will be composed of 3 events, all in which are participated by My three cats and of course me! first theirs the Quarter mile cat dash! This is where we have to run with out cats and who ever make it to the end first wins! Last year my cats didn't keep up all that well to this year I have a new strategy, a sure way to win. I will be tieing Chaps and Clark to my legs while Vinegar will be taped to my chest, better that then my back just in case of a close finish. Then theres the Cool Dip where we have to swim to the other side of the pool, I will be tieing my cats to beach balls and towing then behind me. And the third is the Sky Cat competition, where We take a cat and throw it as far as we can, then meet the cat and throw the next, and again the same for the last cat, who even traveled the farthest is the winner! It's gonna be close, so we have been training! Running up hill with a log tied to each of the cats back legs, Testing their agility with hang gliding from 3 story roofs. Oh, let's see, what else? Oh yes, working their cardiovascular by having then try to keep up while tied to my jet ski, Oatmeal eating, oh and so much more... We are pooped I tell ya, so now we're at a goat farm to relax for a bit, after all Theres only 19 days left! Well There are goats to be rode! Have to go! And wish me luck!

Stress No More!

Ever been stressed from a Stressful day or a day full of stressful events? Well stress not! There is a new stress therapy for you cat owners out there. What is this new "wonder" you're probably asking. Well, if you are a cat owner the answer is probably sitting right next to you or on the window sill or behind the refrigerator. That's right, it's your cat! As everyone knows, just having a cat will extend your life by 16 years and grant you free passage into the gates of heaven. But little do people know, that cats also have the ability to calm and sooth tenseness from the drudgery of everyday life such as work or witnessing a murder. Well lets get started already, huh?! First you take your kitty in your hands with it's back faced towards you. If your cat has claws and a persnickety personality, tape cotton balls to it's darling feet to prevent scratches and loss of blood. Now take your cat and rub your chest with it. Oh my, I can feel my worries melt (or pounce) away!
Let the fuzzy puff sooth your soul as you move on to other parts of you body.
My daily routine includes starting with my chest then I move to the fore-head and temples. Remember to used small circular motions for optimal kitty relief! Then I move to the arm pits where I hold the cat (or cats if you own two cats,) and hold them under my arms for 5 minutes while I stare at a running faucet or watch old home movies. Then I move to take the cat and again with circular motions, rub my belly to help my tummy extract any venom in me that I might have picked up throughout the day. Again after 2-3 minutes. Then I take the cats and rub up and down my legs to get relax my leg muscles. Don't forget the thighs!! Then I move to the most relaxing part, my back. I take the cats feet and front hands in my hands, and rub it side to side and up and down. Oh my, shivers! And that will conclude your daily stress release therapy. Happy muscle melting, and for goodness sakes, relax will ya!?

Cat on the town!

Cats. It seems everywhere I go, people are always talking about what you can do with cats. I say You can do all sorts of things with these lovable co-Earthians! Have you ever taken your cat to a spaghetti diner? Although most restaurants are pretty, well, It's kinda a harsh term, in which I don't usually like to through around, Anti-catian. Oh wow, That makes me ever so upset to even utter letteraly that term. Well, I believe in equal rights for all of God's wonderful felines. SO I usually where a large pair of pants (No, not to compensate for all that spaghetti I usually eat, SILLY!) But, I use them to tote a one of my many children (Cats). Last time I took Smoky-Loaf (he's a Grey with butter-scotch smudges on his face....It looks like he's been into the butter-scotch...AGAIN!) and although he's a fidgeter, he seemed to do quite well. And here's a little secret to keep your Purr-Pal still enough to get a table.... Take a pair of pants about 4 sizes too big, then on the inside, in the crotchal region, make a Pouch/nest out of a combination of old bread bags, and saran wrap. Use Hot glue to seal it to the pants. Feel free to customize this little pouch to your cats delight! It seems that cats really take to the closed in plastic den, even the most feisty cats calm down to a state of Dreamy Relaxation.

Now, when you finally get to your table, Your already for some chow-tacular action! Oh when you sit down make sure Your Purr-Pal doesn't get trapped laying on it's neck. Even Kittens need Blood flow to their little brains too, Ya know!!! Now when your Spaghetti arrives, Feed it down to the cat a strand at a time, until the cat taps out. Don't worry about a box for that 8th plate you couldn't polish off. The Purr-pouch makes a great to go box! Now you might be thinking, but what about your Kitten? Cats love a little snack on the way home or beach or where ever your next stop on your evening adventure maybe. Well that's it! New And free way to get your cat into a place to dine. I hope you enjoyed this advice, and remember! Don't make yourself sick, eating all that spaghetti!

Welcome!

Welcome to the most CAT-tastic blog of all the internets! My name is William, and I just have to let out a big secret, that's actually not a secret at all! Ya see, I LOVE Cats! I love all of them! I love:
Big Cats
White Cats
Black Cats
Dark Cats
Pumpkin Cats
Scar Cats
Swat Cats
Cinnamon Swirl Cats
Stripy Cats
Button Nose Cats
Wagon wheel Cats
Pink Cats
BROWN CATS!
Small Cats
Mutant Cats
Mutant Eagle Cats
Mutant Oldsmobile Cats
Window Cats
Sweet Cats
FUN CATS!
Sleepy Cats
Choco-Cat's
Catorian's
Horsed back Cats
White and Black Cats
Fuzzy Cats
Trap Door Cats!
Oh, my, How the list just goes on and on. I guess I'm trying to say is I love all the cats of the rainbow! Especially the Rainbow cat! I do hope you come back soon, for I'm sure you'll get a Big Kick outta my helpful and fun tips and hints to the secret world of My... And God's, favorite animal.... The Cat! (aka also the Kitty!)